How to chase wedding RSVPs without sounding rude

Almost every couple ends up chasing RSVPs. People mean to reply, put the card on the fridge and forget. A reminder is normal, and most guests are glad to get one.

When to send reminders

Set your RSVP deadline three to four weeks before the wedding. Caterers usually want the final count 10 to 14 days before, and you need a week in between to chase replies and draw up the seating plan.

Keep a list of who you contacted and when. When two people are chasing replies, it stops you messaging the same aunt twice.

Reminder before the deadline

Send this to everyone who has not answered yet. Keep it short and give the date.

Hi Sam! Just a reminder that we need RSVPs for the wedding by 15 May. You can reply on the card or straight to this message. We would love to know if you can make it.

If you used an online RSVP, put the link in the message. People reply faster when they can do it from the phone in their hand.

Hi Sam, we are counting replies for the wedding on 14 June. Could you let us know by 15 May whether you can come? This link takes a minute: [your RSVP link]

After the deadline

Now you need an answer, so ask a direct question that is easy to reply to.

Hi Sam, we are finalizing numbers with the caterer this week. Will you be coming on 14 June? A quick yes or no is perfect.

For couples and families, ask about everyone by name. Otherwise you get "yes" and do not know whether it means one seat or four.

Hi Sam and Alex, are you both able to come on 14 June? And will Mia be with you, or are you taking a night off?

Plus-ones and children

Guests who were invited with a plus-one often reply for themselves and leave the guest open. Ask for the name: you need it for the seating plan and the place cards.

Thanks for replying, Sam! Will you be bringing someone? If so, could you send me their name for the seating plan?

If your invitation did not include children or a plus-one, and a guest adds one in their reply, answer quickly and kindly, and keep the answer the same for everyone.

We would love to have you, but we are keeping the wedding to adults only, so we are not able to fit in children. We hope you can still make it!

When someone never replies

After a direct message and a call, most couples count a guest who still has not answered as not coming. Tell them, so there is no surprise on the day.

Hi Sam, we have not heard back, so we have let the caterer know you won't be able to join us. If anything changes this week, tell us and we will do our best.

Do not pay for a seat on a guess. A meal for a guest who does not come usually costs you more than an awkward message.

Dietary needs and questions

Ask for dietary needs on the RSVP itself, not in a separate message. A reminder that only asks "can you come?" brings in a yes, and then you chase every guest a second time for allergies.

If you already sent invitations without that question, add it to the reminder:

Great that you can come! One more thing: does anyone in your group have allergies or dietary needs we should pass on to the caterer?

Make replying easy from the start

Most chasing comes from friction: a card that needs a stamp, an email that needs a full sentence, a form that wants an account. An RSVP link that works on a phone in under a minute brings in more replies before the deadline.

In Wedding Harmony each invitation gets its own RSVP link. Guests reply for every person in their household, including plus-ones, children and dietary needs, and the replies appear in your guest list straight away. Your checklist can carry the reminder dates too: the dated wedding checklist puts "Chase the guests who have not replied" in the right week for your wedding date.